A Personal Story –  My Shadow and The Power of Unconditional Love

The end of this year brought me face to face with my shadow self. A shadow that I thought I had dealt with, in many previous dark nights of the soul. But as we go deeper in our work, the Shadow aspects of us become subtler. Like peeling an onion, we keep uncovering layer by layer till we reach the core – that is pure and our essential self.

Understanding the Shadow

The shadow exerts it power by making the darkness seem like light. Our shadow can pretend to be our intuition, or it could be self-hatred masquerading as self-love! The Shadow is nothing more than senseless defense systems created by the Ego to defend the Ego.The greatest problem with the shadow is it stays in the shadows and most of us are completely unaware of it’s existence, and operating mechanism.When we become aware of it, Fighting it, or trying to be rid of it, will lead us to a path of further frustration. The obvious presence of our shadows can be felt in conflict in our relationships, our addictions, and our tendencies to blame others for our sense of unhappiness. Duality means that we human beings have both the divine and the diabolical present in us.  It is up to us bring forth the divine and we cannot do that by fighting the diabolical. We withdraw power from the diabolical, by the light of awareness.

The Power of Unconditional Love 

As I followed the urgings of my own shadow, and tried to make changes to my life, in it’s accordance – I also had another smaller, shriller voice asking me Why?
The good news though is that, in the midst of all the trauma drama, (so typical of the working of the shadow) I reached out for guidance and understanding to my two sources of solace. My Guru, and My Coach. What I received from both of them, in those moments of deep anguish was pure unadulterated, unconditional love. No judgement, no efforts to make me see the folly in my thinking and beliefs, just a space of unconditional love.

This pure unconditional love, broke a little crack in my heart, forcing the light of awareness to shine through. In this light I could see up close the destructive nature of my shadow self.  I was filled with a deep sense of anguish, guilt and shame. For the first time I fully recognized, how this aspect had played an overbearing part in my life and my relationships.
Ultimately the shadow is a cover up for our deep sense of vulnerability and frailty,  which is the divine in us – the light that is essentially passive and meek. But, without which we cannot fully access the wonder and joy of being human.

The issue also is that the Greater the Potential for Light in us, the greater the Power of the Shadow!

In Coaching, we talk about Coaching Presence and Holding Space – two of the most powerful ingredients in a Coaching relationship. In experiencing it so personally, I was definitely inspired to bring that same level and quality of presence and space of unconditional love to my clients. Thank you @Yadavindra Chopra for setting the bar, and being the example.

I would like to leave you all with a message from the book – The Shadow Effect. Marianne Williamson, effortlessly and eloquently, sums up my entire experience above in the following words:

“The shadow does not leave, when it is attacked; it heals when it is forgiven. We do not take off our shadowy mask in the presence of  someone who blames us, but rather in the presence of someone who says through their words or behaviors – “I know this is not who you are”. We miraculously heal in the presence of someone who believes in our light, even when we are lost in our darkness. And when we learn to see others in the light of of their true being, whether they are showing us that light or not, then we have the power to work that miracle for them” 

For those of you who are familiar with A Course in Miracles – this line is the entire course  in Action. I hope these words can bring some inspiration to you, for the coming year and beyond.