“Self-love is the mainspring of a man’s actions and the raison d’etre of his love for others”.
This one simple statement describes Self-love beautifully, yet there is so much depth within these words, that to fully grasp it, requires a profound understanding of what it really means.
Self-Love is often misunderstood to be arrogant, egoistical and narcissistic when in fact, it is far from it. Those attributes are in fact a mark of the lack of Self-love. Self- love can be best described as a healthy Self – Esteem. The kind of self- esteem which does not get affected by other people’s reactions to us, life situations and circumstances or other occurrences.
However, many people with supposed high Self – Esteem are in fact in denial of their relationship with themselves. This usually manifests as arrogance, rudeness and judgmental behaviour. This can also express itself as someone who is very controlling and thinks they know everything or conversely, when we are too giving.
All of us have an in-built capability to love. This is our natural state of being. Over the years, (lifetimes), we get displaced from this fundamental connection and start distorting Love. The main purpose of spiritual or personal growth, is learning to love, honour and respect ourselves in the same manner as we would someone, that we loved the most in our life. This could be our partner, child, parent, God, it does not matter. Think of someone you love more than anyone else in this world – and then contemplate – “ Do I love myself the same way as I love this person? Can I nourish and cherish myself in the same way as I would like to cherish and nourish them? ” If the honest answer is No, then there is work to be done.
I was good at loving others, but not so good with loving myself. The problem with that kind of “loving others” is usually that it is not what I would now describe as “real love”. It is an ego need to either fulfill our own desires, or make ourselves feel better by being “loving”.
As I look back on my personal journey, thinking of how I can best express this, I became conscious that, my relationship with myself was the same as my relationship with God. I was brought up with a strong sense of God so HE/ SHE was always in an inherent part of my being. For many years, he was an external, being or deity that I had to look upon to save me or help me. As a young child, I loved him dearly but as life wore on, experiences/occurences had led me to start being mistrustful of God. The same question that boggles many people boggled me – How could a God that loves us, allow such heinous things to happen to us or to this world in general. I started believing that God was someone that could not be trusted, as he was a source of constant betrayal. High expectations of him were always followed by a let-down!
There was anger in me – Anger against myself and anger against God. It seemed that quite often efforts in my life had led to disaster, despair and anger. I was not a bad person, rather had always been what I thought was a kind, upright and ethical person, so why Life was so hard for me was a bit of a conundrum to me. It was only when I embarked on my spiritual journey, that led to the understanding that our outer world was in fact a reflection of the inner world that we held, that something started to shift and change.
I grasped that there was a possibility that it was not God’s fault but something that I was not doing right?
Having lived a greater part of my life, not admitting but disliking both God and myself, I knew that there was something that needed to change. What really was going on within? The more I delved into my personal growth journey, and as I studied, learnt, meditated and read, the more I realized that every occurrence or non-occurrence in my life came down to the relationship I had with myself.
It has taken me years of inner work to understand this and get to the point of where I am today. As I contemplated my purpose in this life time, over and over – it came to me, simply but suddenly while on a bus ride to work. It struck me that if there was something I was an expert at, it was truly understanding Self-Love. Part of my purpose is to help people get to a place of real love and understanding of themselves, to empower them such that they can be truly loving to everyone else they touched in their lives.
It is with this in mind, I have taken all the work that I have done over the years and collated it into a simple Step by Step framework for the help of others on a similar journey. The work I did and continue to do is a mix of Spirituality and Psychological unfolding. In order to really get to the bottom of our relationship with ourselves, we need to uncover what lies not only in our Conscious mind, but also in our Sub-conscious and Un-conscious mind. This requires time and effort. Loving yourself is not a goal, as it is a continuous process but this course will guarantee that you will be on the path of discovery of your real beautiful self.
This world needs a many more people to Love themselves a lot more, so they can fully express themselves and shine like the light that they are deep within.
BENEFITS OF SELF – LOVE
There are innumerable material and non-material benefits of getting to a place where one is able to accept and acknowledge oneself as a beautiful being, even with all of our shortcomings and strengths.
A real and healthy Self – Esteem which leads to
- Greater acceptance of yourself
- Better Relationships with others
- Ability to attract/ find rightful work
- Ability to attract the rightful partner
- Greater abundance
- Greater joy and joie de vivre
- Greater respect and love for self which leads to the same for others
- Letting go of Addictions